Making conversation with new people can be both exciting and daunting. One of the most common icebreakers is asking about work, but the way you frame the question can significantly impact the flow of the conversation and the impression you make. This article dives deep into the art of inquiring about someone’s profession in a way that is respectful, engaging, and encourages a meaningful exchange.
Beyond “What Do You Do?”: Exploring Alternatives
The standard “What do you do?” can feel impersonal and limited. It puts immediate pressure on the other person to define themselves by their job title. Instead, consider variations that open the door to broader discussions.
Focusing on Passion and Purpose
Instead of a direct question about their job, try approaching the topic with curiosity about their interests. You might ask, “What kind of work really excites you?” or “What are you passionate about professionally?” These questions encourage them to share what drives them and what they find fulfilling, leading to a more interesting and authentic response.
Inquiring About Their Day-to-Day
Another approach is to ask about their daily activities. “What does a typical day look like for you?” is a good start. This prompts them to describe their work in practical terms, giving you a better understanding of what they actually do. It can also spark follow-up questions about specific projects or challenges they face.
Framing it as a Learning Opportunity
Position your question as a way for you to learn something new. You could say, “I’m always curious to hear about different career paths. What’s your field of work?” This demonstrates that you’re genuinely interested in their experience and not just making small talk.
Context Matters: Tailoring Your Approach
The best way to ask about someone’s work depends heavily on the context of the conversation. A networking event calls for a different approach than a casual encounter at a social gathering.
Networking Events: Making Meaningful Connections
At networking events, people generally expect to discuss their professional lives. However, even in this setting, you can still stand out by being thoughtful in your approach. Instead of a generic greeting followed by “What do you do?”, try opening with a comment about the event itself or a recent industry trend. This establishes a shared context and allows you to transition more naturally into asking about their work. You might say, “This conference is great, I’m learning a lot about [topic]. What brings you here?”
Social Gatherings: Keeping it Casual and Conversational
In more casual social settings, it’s often best to avoid directly asking about work too early in the conversation. Focus on finding common ground and building rapport first. You can start by asking about their interests, hobbies, or what they’ve been up to lately. If the conversation flows naturally towards their profession, you can then ask about it in a relaxed and informal way.
Online Interactions: Showing Respect and Avoiding Assumptions
When connecting with someone online, whether it’s on a professional platform like LinkedIn or a social media site, be mindful of their profile information. If their profession is clearly stated, avoid asking redundant questions. Instead, use that information to initiate a more informed and personalized conversation. You could say, “I noticed you work as a [job title]. I’m curious to know more about [specific aspect of their work].”
Reading the Room: Body Language and Social Cues
Paying attention to nonverbal cues is crucial for a successful conversation. Observe their body language and tone of voice when you broach the topic of work.
Identifying Discomfort or Hesitation
If they seem hesitant or uncomfortable answering your question, don’t push it. They may have a reason for not wanting to discuss their work, such as job dissatisfaction or personal circumstances. Respect their boundaries and shift the conversation to a different topic.
Recognizing Enthusiasm and Engagement
On the other hand, if they seem enthusiastic about their work, take that as a cue to delve deeper. Ask follow-up questions and show genuine interest in what they have to say. This demonstrates that you’re an active listener and encourages them to share more.
Follow-Up Questions: Keeping the Conversation Flowing
The key to a good conversation is asking thoughtful follow-up questions that build upon their initial response.
Exploring Their Interests and Responsibilities
Once you know their job title or field of work, ask questions that delve deeper into their day-to-day responsibilities, challenges, and accomplishments. “What’s the most challenging aspect of your job?” or “What are you currently working on that you find particularly interesting?” are good examples.
Connecting Their Work to Your Own Interests
Look for opportunities to connect their work to your own interests or experiences. This shows that you’re actively listening and trying to find common ground. You could say, “That’s interesting, I’ve always been fascinated by [related topic]. How does that relate to what you do?”
Avoiding Invasive or Inappropriate Questions
Be mindful of the types of questions you ask. Avoid anything that could be considered invasive, discriminatory, or overly personal. Questions about their salary, job security, or personal life are generally off-limits, especially in initial conversations.
The Art of Listening: Giving Your Full Attention
Asking the right questions is only half the battle. The other half is being a good listener.
Focusing on Their Words and Tone
Pay close attention to what they’re saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Listen actively and try to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they’re still speaking.
Demonstrating Empathy and Understanding
Show empathy and understanding by acknowledging their feelings and experiences. If they’re talking about a challenging situation, offer words of support or encouragement. If they’re sharing an accomplishment, congratulate them and express your admiration.
Remembering Key Details for Future Interactions
Make a mental note of key details about their work and interests. This will allow you to refer back to those details in future conversations, demonstrating that you value their input and remember what they’ve shared with you.
Practicing Active Listening: Key Components
Active listening is a crucial skill in any conversation, but especially when trying to understand someone’s profession. It involves more than just hearing the words being spoken.
Nonverbal Cues
Maintaining eye contact, nodding occasionally, and mirroring their body language are all subtle ways to show that you’re engaged and attentive. However, be mindful of cultural differences in body language to avoid misinterpretations.
Verbal Affirmations
Using verbal affirmations like “I see,” “That makes sense,” or “Tell me more” encourages the speaker to continue and shows that you’re following along.
Summarizing and Clarifying
Periodically summarizing what they’ve said and asking clarifying questions ensures that you understand their message correctly and demonstrates that you’re actively processing the information. For example, you could say, “So, if I understand correctly, you’re saying that…” or “Could you elaborate on that point?”
Navigating Difficult Situations: When to Change the Subject
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a conversation about work may not be going well. It’s important to recognize when to gracefully change the subject.
Recognizing Discomfort or Lack of Interest
If the other person seems uncomfortable, bored, or uninterested in discussing their work, don’t force it. Look for subtle cues like avoiding eye contact, giving short answers, or shifting their body language away from you.
Offering an Easy Out
Give them an easy way to change the subject without feeling awkward. You could say, “Anyway, that’s enough about work. What do you like to do in your free time?” or “I don’t want to bore you with the details. What else have you been up to lately?”
Shifting to a Neutral Topic
Suggest a neutral topic that is relevant to the situation or environment. You could talk about the event you’re attending, the weather, or a recent news story. The goal is to find common ground and create a more comfortable atmosphere.
Building Rapport: Finding Common Ground
Ultimately, the goal of any conversation is to build rapport and connect with the other person on a human level. Finding common ground is a key step in this process.
Identifying Shared Interests and Experiences
Listen carefully for clues about their interests, hobbies, or experiences. If you share any of these, bring them up in the conversation. “You mentioned you enjoy hiking? I love hiking too! Have you been to [local trail]?”
Sharing Your Own Experiences (Appropriately)
Share your own experiences, but avoid dominating the conversation or making it all about you. Keep your contributions relevant to the topic at hand and use them to build a connection with the other person.
Focusing on Positive and Engaging Topics
Steer clear of controversial or negative topics, especially in initial conversations. Focus on positive and engaging subjects that will create a pleasant and memorable interaction.
The Power of a Genuine Compliment
A sincere compliment can go a long way in building rapport and creating a positive impression.
Focusing on Their Accomplishments or Skills
Instead of generic compliments, focus on specific accomplishments or skills that you admire. “I’m really impressed with your presentation skills,” or “That’s a fascinating project, you must be very knowledgeable in that area.”
Being Authentic and Sincere
Make sure your compliments are genuine and sincere. People can usually tell when you’re being insincere, and it can have the opposite effect of what you intended.
Avoiding Flattery or Exaggeration
Avoid excessive flattery or exaggeration, which can come across as insincere or even manipulative. Keep your compliments simple, specific, and heartfelt.
Making a Lasting Impression: Beyond the Initial Conversation
The initial conversation is just the first step in building a relationship. Follow-up actions can help you make a lasting impression.
Connecting on Social Media (If Appropriate)
If you had a good conversation and feel it’s appropriate, consider connecting with them on LinkedIn or another relevant social media platform. This allows you to stay in touch and continue building the relationship.
Sending a Follow-Up Message
A short follow-up message thanking them for their time and reiterating something you discussed can be a thoughtful gesture. “It was great meeting you yesterday. I really enjoyed hearing about your work on [project].”
Remembering Details for Future Interactions
As mentioned earlier, remembering key details about their work and interests will allow you to personalize future interactions and show that you value their input.
Why is “What do you do?” considered a bad conversation starter?
The question “What do you do?” can feel transactional and limiting, reducing a person to their job title. It often implies that someone’s worth or interest is solely based on their profession, potentially making those who are unemployed, students, or in less prestigious roles feel uncomfortable or judged.
Instead of fostering genuine connection, it can lead to a superficial exchange of job titles and responsibilities. This approach can miss the opportunity to learn about someone’s passions, hobbies, or experiences outside of their career, hindering the development of a more meaningful and engaging conversation.
What are some alternative ways to ask about someone’s professional life without directly asking “What do you do?”
Instead of a direct inquiry, try open-ended questions like, “What keeps you busy these days?” or “What are you passionate about?” These invite broader responses and allow the person to steer the conversation in a direction they are comfortable with, potentially leading to a more authentic and engaging discussion.
Another approach is to comment on the context in which you meet them. For example, if you’re at a conference, you could ask, “What brought you to this conference?” or “What sessions have you found particularly interesting?” These questions naturally lead into conversations about their work or interests related to the event.
How do you respond if someone asks you “What do you do?” despite your attempts to avoid the question?
Answer the question directly, but keep it brief and engaging. Instead of simply stating your job title, add a small detail that sparks curiosity. For example, “I’m a software engineer, currently working on developing AI tools for education.”
After answering, immediately follow up with a question back to them, such as, “What about you? Are you working on anything interesting right now?” This shifts the focus back to them and prevents the conversation from becoming one-sided or feeling like an interrogation.
What if someone is unemployed or in between jobs? How can you approach the conversation sensitively?
Avoid questions that directly inquire about employment status. Instead, focus on their interests and skills. Ask about their hobbies, past experiences, or what they are currently learning. For example, “What projects are you working on right now?” or “What skills are you hoping to develop?”
If they voluntarily share their job-seeking status, listen attentively and offer support if appropriate. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or offering empty platitudes. Instead, express empathy and offer to connect them with relevant contacts if you can.
How do you transition the conversation away from work and onto more personal topics?
Listen attentively for clues in their responses that hint at personal interests. If they mention a hobby, a recent trip, or a specific area of expertise, use that as a jumping-off point. For example, if they mention traveling, you could ask, “Oh, where was the last place you traveled to?”
Another approach is to share something about yourself. Sharing a personal anecdote can encourage them to reciprocate and open up about their own experiences. This creates a more balanced and engaging conversation that goes beyond superficial topics.
What are some conversation starters unrelated to work that can be used in networking events or social gatherings?
Focus on the shared environment or experience. You could ask, “What did you think of the speaker?” or “Have you tried the appetizers? They’re delicious!” These types of questions are lighthearted and create a sense of camaraderie.
Other options include asking about their weekend plans or their favorite local spots. These questions are non-intrusive and can lead to interesting discussions about their personal preferences and lifestyle.
How do you handle it if someone is clearly uncomfortable sharing details about their profession?
Respect their boundaries and avoid pressing them further. If they give vague answers or seem hesitant to elaborate, simply change the subject. It’s important to prioritize their comfort level and avoid making them feel pressured to share information they’re not willing to disclose.
Focus on finding common ground and engaging in conversation about other topics. Remember that building rapport is more important than extracting information. A genuine connection can still be formed even without knowing the specifics of their job.